Selim Niederhoffer? This name probably tells you something, since for several years this true chameleon reveals valuable advice on seduction. At the same time coach, writer and blogger, Selim decided to embark on writing a book … and not just any book! With “Lessons of Seduction: 375 Secrets for All Falling”, this Hitch French version offers a guide to seduction. The 33-year-old has agreed to reveal himself through this interview
Can you introduce yourself in a few words?
My name is Selim Niederhoffer, I’m 33, soon 34 and I’m the most followed seduction coach in France. It’s now 7 years since I joined the adventure artdeseduire.com , the site that produces the most advice in seduction for men in the Francophonie. I’m not really Parisian but it’s been ten years since I live in the capital, so we take the habits of Paris … Otherwise I come from Strasbourg and I like the sport but I have to get back to it. Promised, I’ll get back to it (laugh).
What does ” seduction coach ” mean ?
The principle of the coach in seduction is someone who will help you find the right strategy of seduction in relation to yourself. When I say yourself, everyone is not the same … Besides, there is a book by Robert Green, “The art of seduction” which is great. In his book, he describes the 9 profiles of seducers. Between the skinny kid, intellectual Woody Allen and the “champion of France” bodybuilding, we are not going to talk about the same thing. A politician, an artist, a fireman, a writer or a mechanic will not talk about the same thing because they have a life and a vision of life totally different … Neither the same desires. So each case will not seduce the same type of girl. A seduction coach helps to put your finger on who you are. This is really the basis of the coaching philosophy: ” know thyself “. And once you know yourself, you can aim a little better girls who can match you more. A coach in seduction, it helps to adapt to his environment, his universe.
Where did you get the idea to write a book on seduction lessons ?
In my head globally I am a “big brother”. I have always wanted to transmit. When you are a big brother you have a role of model. I became a seduction coach in 2009, I joined Art de Séduire in 2010 and the idea of the book dates back to that time. It was basically a collaborative project. I wanted to make a dictionary of the dredge, I wanted to detail word by word all the terms of seduction to help men to seduce more. We realized that this project was going to take a lot of time and that it required a huge investment.
In 2015, I received a call from my little brother who gave me feedback. I decided to go to New York for 37 days … It’s ultra precise! I told myself that at the end of 2016, I want to be able to say that I lived 10% of my year abroad. And I thought, “you’re Trialix going to New York to isolate yourself.” In other words, going to New York to isolate yourself is the worst of ideas. It is not for nothing that we say that it is the city that never sleeps. There are too many things to do, too many people to see, meetings to do … There was inspiration of course and it was good to revive me in the writing of the pavement. This book is 512 pages in total, there are 375 secrets, 375 words in this book, and the idea was really to leave a lasting mark. A website evolves on a daily basis but we do not remember exactly the same way. Moreover, studies have proved it, it is difficult to fix the information. While a book is a different mode of consumption and I wanted that for my readers. That they can have a book in their library to consult according to their desires and so that they can really immerse themselves in this universe. They can save the info.
What do you think is the ultimate rule of seduction?
Smile ! For me it will always smile , because it’s really the first impression. In a room where we do not know anyone, we go instinctively to the person who is open, and the opening is manifested by a smile.
Two tips to give to readers?
The first tip would be “know yourself”. It’s just knowing what you really want. If you are single, what do you really want? Are you looking for adventures with no tomorrow, a companion for the long term, or do not you know? When we do not know what we are looking for, we obviously do not know how we are going to go. It’s like in sports, when you do not have a clear goal, it may be more difficult to go. In sport, we define, we discover by micro objective.
The second point is lucidity. A coach in seduction is not a magician, you have to work seduction. To be lucid is to say, from 0 to 10, how much do we get? The maximum that we can aim when we are a normal guy is 8, above are necessarily celebrities. We must give the best of ourselves to our scale. In your city, at work – because yes we do a lot of meetings in the workplace – how can you give the best of yourself. How can one become a better version of oneself: that is to say to have a good style. Be careful, that does not mean to be dressed with expensive things, you just have to find your style. How can I be radiant and attract people to me?
“Women often tell me that the worst kills love is greed. ”
For you, what is the worst “kills love” ?
There are two for me that are quite equivalent. Women often confide in me that the worst kills love would be greed. This is the sign of non-generosity. Someone who is not generous, it is someone who thinks only of him, it is someone who is not worn on the other … This kills any form of altruism. Avarice is not just about being very close to your money … It’s not gifts, it’s never the slightest sign of spontaneity. This is not a good characteristic of greed in personal development. In fact, being a coach in seduction is a coach in communication and life coach adapted to a small plot. It’s finding a life partner. There is a law that is fundamental in personal development, it is the law of attraction. And basically it’s the fluidity of something and money is something that is made to be used, it should not be withheld, it has never been used by anyone. It is a trait of terrible character … It does not help because we deprive ourselves of many things! We do not enter into giving and sharing, which prevents us from building a good relationship. A real relationship is giving and giving.
The second is the lack of hygiene. You have to have a little respect for yourself but also for the other. For me it is the two worst “kill love”.
“The guy who knows everything about seduction will never be good if he does not practice. ”
To come back to your book, how would you define it ?
“Lesson of Seduction” is a bit of a combination of theory and practice. What I wanted in writing this book is to help my coachees, my readers, to solve what I usually see at home. That is to say at first: a lack of curiosity. They are not curious enough. To solve this, I put in opening each word, a quote of different personalities (novelists, businessmen, philosophers, rappers etc …) to bring curiosity. This is the cultural side of the book.
Then we go into the definition of the word and the technique where I really give them the theory. We end with a concept of “Do it”. You have to go to practice to master a concept and not stop at the theory. “Lesson of Seduction” aims at balancing practice with theory. The guy who knows everything about seduction will never be good if he does not practice.
Should you retain only one of the 375 tips ?
I would leave on “Unique” or “Audacity”. Yes daring is the most important word, because if there is not the audacity to approach nothing happens, we stay at stage 0.
In terms of style, there is always a big piece in the look that will make the difference. ”
What style advice would you give to readers?
Finding your style takes time. In terms of style, there is always a big piece in the look that will make the difference. It’s always the room that costs a little more. We can do very well with basic store accessible enough but where it has to slap, it will be for example with a coat or shoes … But it takes a strong piece that will give the impression that the guy has reflected on his look. Style is really everyone’s business. It’s a matter of tribes, it’s sociology. But the style is working. We must try to take risks because in the end we dress for ourselves, but somewhere we always have the ambition to please someone.
What would be the ideal playlist to seduce?
It will depend on the state of mind and the context. You will not put the same music for a first appointment, only when you cook at home for a girl, than the one you will put when you go in the room for the final. The playlist will also depend a lot on the person in front of you.
If you had the opportunity to become a sportsman for a day , who would it be?
Cristiano Ronaldo. He’s a guy I’ve always admired for his efforts and his rigor, for the mind too. The guy he loves himself! Very clearly, he has an ego that is disproportionate. But we have to get back to the context: the guy is very good. He was in Manchester, Madrid etc … then he won Ballons d’Or. Then he gets eaten year after year by Lionel Messi. Nevertheless, he remains at a very good level and he comes back to win probably another umpteenth Golden Ball this year. Mentally at his age – because he is no longer young for a player – the maintenance he has of his body, the discipline he has on a daily basis. It’s like Zidane at the time, he stays longer than others at training. It goes beyond what is expected of an athlete. It’s not really a question of being the best, it’s more about refusing to lose. Moreover, his former coach Alex Ferguson (Manchester) said: he refuses to lose, it is not possible.